On a lighter note...

Franki, you don't have to read the whole Series of Unfortunate Events. Here's a perfectly good ultracondensed version by Andrea M., age 13, one of the winners of a Muse Magazine contest:

Mr. Poe: Your parents died.
Orphans: Woe is us.
Count Olaf: I want your money.
Orphans: You can't have it.
(Count Olaf does mean things.)
Orphans: Things can't get much worse.
(They do.)

THE END

For more of this silliness, check out the website that inspired the contest, the Book-a-Minute site. You'll find ultracondensed versions of science fiction, fantasy (don't miss the two versions of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone), classics, bedtime stories (don't miss The Mitten), and movies. For the rest of the winners of the Muse contest, you'll either have to check out the July/August issue (Heather D., age 17, did such a good job with the Harry Potter books that I've been inspired to slog through #6 even though I'm a year late), or go to the Muse website.

It strikes me that these are only funny if you know the book or movie. And to get them right, you have to REALLY know the book or movie. Are there classroom applications here? Whaddaya think?