Foster Families and Adoption

"A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies.

The man who never reads lives only one." 

George R.R. Martin

Forever, or a Long, Long Time

by Caela Carter

HarperCollins, 2017

The End of the Wild

by Nicole Helget

Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, 2017

The War I Finally Won

by Kimberly Brubaker Bradley

Dial Books, October 2017

Three Pennies

by Melanie Crowder

Atheneum Books for Young Readers, 2017

Each of these books is the story of (or a story that includes) foster care and/or adoption. These are lives I never would have lived if it hadn't been for these books. I never would have experienced the trauma, the questions, the shaky identity, the need for acceptance.

These are books that help readers to see that all families don't look the same, and they help readers realize that family does not have to involve shared genetics.

The quest of the characters in Forever, or a Long, Long Time shows how every foster home and family differs, and what love does and doesn't look like. Same with the quests of the characters in Three Pennies (including the owl who is looking for a family and home).

The End of the Wild includes economics (rural poverty), the environment (fracking), and immigration (Somalian refugees) along with issues of foster care.

The story of Ada, Jamie, and Susan continues in The War I Finally Won, the sequel to The War That Saved My Life, with the boundaries of "family" explored to include Lord and Lady Thornton, Maggie and Jonathan, as well as a German Jewish refugee girl, Ruth, and...well, in order not to provide a spoiler, I'll stop there.  :-)

Reading Without Walls

Forever, or a Long, Long Time
by Caela Carter
HarperCollins, 2017
review copy provided by the publisher

This was a Gene Yang "Reading Without Walls" book for me. Gene Luen Yang, the National Ambassador of Young People's Literature, has chosen as his platform/project to encourage readers to

1. Read a book about a character who doesn’t look like you or live like you.
2. Read a book about a topic you don’t know much about.
3. Read a book in a format that you don’t normally read for fun. This might be a chapter book, a graphic novel, a book in verse, a picture book, or a hybrid book.

Forever, or a Long, Long Time fits the first two categories for me. The foster care system is filled with characters who aren't like me -- I've never been on either the giving or receiving end of foster care. And foster care is a topic about which I know little.

Both fourth grader Flora and her younger brother Julian have been traumatized by the foster care system, but the trauma manifests itself differently in each child. To balance the pain of seeing how these two children have been damaged, the author gives them a loving "forever family" that does everything possible to help the children adapt, learn to trust, and heal. She gives Flora an amazing teacher, who has a realistically nearly boundless supply of patience and differentiation to help Flora succeed. And because the main character is 4th -- going into 5th grade, the book is very sensitively written.

More than anything, this book is a deeply insightful look at what FAMILY means. Flora and Julian's new mom has married a divorced man with a daughter,  plus she's pregnant. When she takes Flora and Julian on a quest to discover their birth family roots, every possible variant of what foster care might look like is in their past, from loving to chaotic to brutally regimented.

This is a book about what IDENTITY means. Flora and Julian doubt the very existence of their birth because they have no baby pictures.

This is a book about TRUST, and what it takes to build trust where none has ever existed.

This is a book about HOPE. Everything doesn't get tied up in tidy bows, but by the end of the book you can see that all the parents' (and teacher's) hard work is paying off and although there will be challenges in the future when the baby comes, progress has been made. Flora and Julian are going to be okay.

This book is NOT The Great Gilly Hopkins (but they might make an interesting pairing). It's been a long time (very long time) since I read Gilly Hopkins, but I don't remember the characters seeming real -- they were more like caricatures. The characters in Forever, or a Long, Long Time are multi-faceted people you get to know from the inside. They are very real. They aren't perfect; they make mistakes.

There is one way that this book might be like Gilly Hopkins. There might be a shiny sticker in its cover's future...

Three Little Words by Ashley Rhodes-Courter

I just finished THREE LITTLE WORDS by Ashley Rhodes-Courter. What a great read! This book was written by Ashley--who must now be in her early 20s. Ashley spent the first 12 years of her life in foster care and residential homes. When Ashley was 12, she was adopted and shares this part of her story as well. Toward the end of the book, Ashley says:

"I journeyed for almost ten years before I found home. Adoptions are like very delicate gardening with transplants and grafts. Some are rejected immediately. Mine took hold, rooted, and bloomed, even though there were inevitable adjustments to the new soil and climate. Yet I have not forgotten where my roots started."

Ashley shares her life experiences in a way that is honest and sincere. Her resiliency and brilliance about people comes through on every page. I kept having to remind myself that this was a true story--it was often hard to believe how much this child went through. For a while, things never seemed like they would work out.

Since I have a huge interest in adoptions and children's rights, I probably read this book differently from readers who might just pick it up for a good story. It is listed as a YA novel which makes sense. I think it would be a great read for high school students. But I hope that it doesn't get missed by adults--it is a great story of family and love and home. A true story of a girl who is has already made a huge difference in the world. Ashley tells us about so many of the people who made a difference in her life. Although there were lots of horror stories--awful foster homes, incompetent social workers, etc. there were also many people who cared deeply for Ashley and worked to support her.

Ashley Rhodes-Courter is a national speaker and is committed to changing the systems that take care of children in foster care. She seems ready to dedicate her life to this cause--to make sure that children have the love and safety that they deserve.

I will definitely be recommending this book to all of my friends who are adoptive parents. I will hold it for my own daughter to read when she is a bit older. This will most likely be the book that I will talk about to anyone who will listen for the next few months. One of those books that I want to put in as many hands as possible. And you can be sure that if Ashley is in the area speaking anytime soon, I'll want to thank her personally for sharing her story.

PICTURE BOOKS DEALING WITH ADOPTION

I am always looking for new books that deal with issues of adoption. I picked up Darlene Friedman's STAR OF THE WEEK: A STORY OF LOVE, ADOPTION, AND BROWNIES WITH SPRINKLES. This is the story of Cassidy-Li. As part of being "Star of the Week", Cassidy-Li has to create a poster telling about herself. She adds many things to her poster--including the photo in China when her parents adopted her, she and her cousin at the beach, playing soccer and more. But, she realizes that the one thing that is missing is a picture of her birthparents. I am not a huge fan of "Star of the Week" routines, but I liked this book because it is one of the few that deals with issues adopted children face when doing some of the assigned school projects that are pretty typical. So many classrooms ask students to share baby pictures, create timelines and to make family trees. All of these things, along bring up some unique issues for children who are adopted. This book seems like a good one to start conversations about those issues and how to deal with them in a way that makes sense and respects privacy. Although my 9 year old is a little bit older than the anticipated audience for this book, I am glad to add this one to our shelf at home. It seems like a good one to have on hand to revisit when difficult school projects come up.

I also picked up a copy of TEN DAYS AND NINE NIGHTS, an adoption story by Yumi Heo. I reviewed it here earlier before it was released. It is now available.

When Heaven Fell by Carolyn Marsden

I read When Heaven Fell on the plane ride home for Portland, Maine today. I picked it up at Cover to Cover the other day. I was drawn to the cover and then realized that I had enjoyed several other books by Carolyn Marsden (especially THE GOLD THREADED DRESS). But, I had not heard anything about it and knew nothing about the plot.

WHEN HEAVEN FELL is a kind of adoption story--so I paid attention as an adoptive mom.

There is an interesting review of this book at Ethnically Incorrect Daughter. I trust this review because the write is a woman who was adopted from Vietnam. So much of what she says about the book makes sense. It is a review worth reading to really understand some of the issues in this book.

But, I saw this book to be one with a lot of merit--one I will put on a bookshelf for my daughter to read as she gets older. I thought it was a good story of the way adoption affects everyone.

This is the story of Binh, a little girl who finds out that she has an aunt that was sent to the US during Operation Babylift. The aunt was 5 years old at the time and the family is awaiting their first visit from her. Binh's family lives in poverty conditions and the expectations of an "American aunt" are based on the movies they've seen. The visit proves them all wrong.

I think what I liked about this book was that it addressed the pain that all partied have when adoption is involved. The struggle of the birthmother deciding to send her daughter to the US for a better life was well-handled. Her grief and sorrow are clear in the book. The sadness of the adopted daughter--even though she is happy- is also addressed. The connection to the birthfamily and the pain that they all feel based on their roles in the family seems authentic to me. The reunion seemed authentic to me--comfortable, yet difficult. I have yet to read a book on adoption written for children t--especially international adoption--that addresses the struggles and pain of all parties so equally.

So, this is a book I will have in my classroom--it gives a clear picture of the struggles of any adoption and shows each character as one to empathize with. I will also keep the book for my daughter as she gets older. You never know which book might help a child make sense of life and I thought this one did a good job with some of the adoption issues that most books ignore-like the birthmother struggle. A difficult subject but the author did a good job of addressing it for such young children.

An Interview With Rose Kent--Author Of Kimchi and Calamari

I am VERY excited about today's release of KIMCHI and CALAMARI by Rose Kent. I read and reviewed it earlier when I had received an advanced copy. As a member of the adoption community AND as a fan of great children's books, I can't say enough about this book. I interviewed Rose to celebrate the publication of this book! Franki: What inspired you to write Kimchi and Calamari? Rose: My inspiration came wrapped in a diaper and drinking a bottle of soymilk, all the way from South Korea. I'm referring to Connor, my third child, who we nicknamed Buddha Baba because of his plump cheeks and glowing smile. Adopting Connor was a true joy and believe me that's how I felt. But I also realized early on that it also involved a primal loss for him. I remember holding him in my arms and worrying about how he would cope later, especially during puberty, a natural time for such reflection. I knew I couldn't spare him from some hurt, but I wanted him to know that I "got it"- that who he was as a person didn't begin the moment he arrived in America. So while Joseph's story is all his own, KIMCHI & CALAMARI came from a place where I wanted to connect with kids reflecting on their identities. And it isn't just adopted kids needing this knowledge; all kids do. I love that old proverb that says children need to know their roots to develop their wings. Nobody cruises through middle school without some struggle to figure out who they are and where they fit in. Franki: What do you hope readers come away with? Rose: Above all else, I hope they enjoy a juicy page-turner that makes them laugh and think a bit. We authors love giving readers a bit of a roller coaster. And I would like kids to relate to Joseph, since he has both unique and every kid qualities. I try not to preach in KIMCHI & CALAMARI - we writers at best are storytellers. Yet I do feel that kids today are pulled in different directions. Because he's adopted, Joseph calls himself an "ethnic sandwich." Other kids feel "sandwiched" by interests, expectations, friend groups, perhaps divorce, different ethnicities, the list goes on. No matter what the pulls, I think kids need to understand that who they are, in all its varying pieces is okay. They are okay. Franki: What kind of response are you getting from the adoption community? Rose: It's been wonderful. Adoption Family Magazine was kind enough to review KIMCHI & CALAMARI this month, and Multicultural Review will be covering it soon too. And I've been able to speak to families at a number of adoption conferences and meetings. The feedback that most pleases me is when adopted kids tell me they related to Joseph -- that he felt real to them. And several adoption cultural camps will be using the book for discussion this summer, and that makes me happy too. Franki: I love how realistic it is. I love how the birthmother search does not stop other things from happening in his life. How did you decide to have it work that way? Rose: Well I know that nothing in families occurs in a vacuum. I'm the mom of four children and stepmom of two children, ranging from 20-years-old down to eight. The same day that one of my older children was experiencing her first boyfriend break up, another was whooping it up over his All Star team win. Meanwhile, dinner was burning and someone else was yelling because he there was no soap in the shower. Life is one big mishmash of joys-struggles-and absurdities all packed in twenty-hour hours at a time, so I couldn't make Joseph's search for his birth parent be the only happening in his middle school life. I did, though, try to show respect for the significance of such a search and what it meant to Joseph. Franki: I believe that books are a great way for kids to make sense of the world. Are there books that did this for your children as they were growing up? Rose: Yes, Franki, many. My older kids still recall many touching books we read together, such as A WRINKLE IN TIME, MRS. FRISBY & THE RATS OF NYMPH, SKELLIG and REDWALL. As a teacher I bet you'll agree that special characters stay with you forever. We hear the term character development a lot in education these days, and I really feel kids learn a lot of the right stuff, if you will, from fiction -- when characters step up, in spite of struggle and do the right thing. This is really topical because my family recently experienced a death of a close friend. This was my younger children's first close encounter with death, and we'd just finished reading EACH LITTLE BIRD THAT SINGS by Deborah Wiles together. My daughter Theresa echoed back words Comfort Snowberger had spoken to comfort herself and her cousin Peach after the deaths of Great-great Aunt Florentine and Great Uncle Edesto. The story gave Theresa strength to deal with her grief. Franki: Your characters are immediately likable and you were able to portray the feelings of all family members and friends realistically when it came to the birthmother search. Was this autobiographical or based on other things? Rose: Thanks, Franki. Well I don't turn my friends and family into characters. They wouldn't like it and I don't think it would ring true. I do, though, try to tap into feelings that are real and relatable, and of course as an adoptive mom that's what I did in KIMCHI & CALAMARI. I've had many talks with people touched by adoption, including adoptees, birth mothers and adoptive parents, and those feelings fed into Joseph's search for his birthmother. I wanted to show that in this search, Joseph was not only looking for his birthmother, but also himself. Franki: The school project was an interesting one. The whole issue started with that assignment. What made you choose that as the main catalyst for the problem? Rose: I'm a great believer in the value of thoughtful school assignments. I remember a teacher-friend assigning an essay to her students at the start of the new year explaining the origins of the student's name. I loved that idea. Not only do these assignments involve writing, but they get kids talking to their parents, beyond the logistical chatter we all experience at home. Of course the ancestry essay represented a sticky point for Joseph who was adopted, but in the end, writing it helped him make realizations about himself. Franki: How did your children respond to KIMCHI & CALAMARI? Rose: My kids would be first to tell you they deserve mucho credit for Joseph's voice, and they are right. I often read sections of KIMCHI & CALAMARI to them, and they'd give me feedback on not only the plot, but also if the voice worked. And you know how kids are; they don't mince words. If Joseph didn't sound fourteen and boyish, they'd shout out "Uggh!" or "That's goofy, Mom!" Now that the book is coming out, they are very excited. It's also been a nice way for my adopted children to continue conversations about their origins. But as with many mothers who have jobs and other responsibilities, Mom the Author is quickly forgotten when Mom the Cook or Mom the Chauffer is needed! Franki: Are you working on any new books? Rose: I'm finishing up a novel about a girl who moves to upstate NY from Texas with her mom and deaf brother to open an ice cream shop. (This is a tasty story to research. :)) And my other work-in- progress is a baseball story, in tribute to the men in my life and their maniac obsession with this game--I live with a Yankee fan, a Mets fan, and a member of Red Sox nation. Now there's true diversity. (For another great interview with Rose Kent, visit Cynthia Leitich Smith's blog.)